so i'm sitting here in Michigan for the my last here, for a long time. i have many mixed feeling. today has been a world wind for me. but something has happened that has settled a a doubt that i have had for a long time. see, when i first got home i was hog wild about leaving as soon as i could and i sure did try a few times. i felt justified having had a spiritual confirmation that i should go out west. so you can imagine that i felt that this year was super hard for me because i wasn't "following" what God told me to do, i kept finding myself wondering what sorts of wonderful things that the Lord had planned for me if i had done what i thought he wanted me to do.
however, today has made it very clear to me that the Lord had me on HIS time table. i had a few important things to do before i left. some things had to be made right, some friendships had to be made, while others had to be tested. i had lessons that i had to learn, mostly about myself and what i want out of life. there where people here that i am sure God had me stay to help them with a few things.
you may ask how i figured it all out in one day? well, the Lord has a funny way of letting you know at the last minute. i spent the day running around visiting people, some said thank you others expressed it in less orthodox ways (aka awkward straddling) but all in all it was manifested to me that i had been left here for a reason, and that i am going for one too. that the time is right and although i am so scared right now i am comforted in knowing that the time is finally right. i can hear the words Dr.Seuss echoing in my head as i sit here, and it kinda says expresses how i feel right now quite nicely.

"On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Brayor
Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!"

i guess it's time for a new adventure... :o)

thanks everyone, i love you guys!